apa kes?

ok.bawah ni memang aku copy paste dari blog seorang manusia yang tiap kali aku baca blog dia, asyik pain tak habis2.ni latest entry dia smalam.

i can see that my health is getting worse. the pain in my stomach does really kill me. on ten point scale of describing the pain, i must say that it has now reached at sixth point. gastritis, i assume, never been healed ever since i was in high school. if it's worsening, could it be a peptic ulcer? gerd? seriously, i'm so worried if i suffer one of them. what more if i have a cancer. 

i know, i have to take care of myself. i can't afford to be sick. yet, i don't know why i choose to be in pain. maybe because pain is my survival mechanism. it is from the pain that i harness a strength. 

to be frank, i lose pounds in my weight now. the first two weeks after an argument with a close friend, i lost four kilos. due to depression and stress, i refused to eat properly, like i didn't want to eat rice. all i ate was simple food, never touched the heavy meal. realising how fast my body is shrinking, i change my diet, from a moderate to a strict diet. i don't take carbs, not even cookies or slices of bread. my food largely consists of fish, not chicken or meat. i take vegetables more than before. and, i start to drink peppermint tea almost all the time. 

the strict diet was a harsh for me, at first. but, from time to time, i manage to go through all of it. however, i have to admit that i am too much with myself. on the day i have no classes, i skip lunch and tea-time, in which, i'm like fasting for twelve hours without any food but only the tea. it does feel painful at one point. yet, i keep one eye closed and try to ignore the feeling. 

i am obsessed to be as skinny as olivia wilde or posh beckham. i always think i'm still fat although some people notice how my body has changed. one of them even told me that i look sick. sick? yes, i am sick. the sickness is coming from the inside, here, in my heart. and i never expect it could affect the outerside of me.

for some reason, i just feel i can't be happy anymore in this life. let me be as skinny as those celebrities. at least, being obsessed with the science and beauty of such body makes me to achieve something which probably in turn, gives me a little bit of happiness.

waddefak?

heyy.ko tak payah menyiksa diri kau boleh tak?

kau tak fikir family, or orang2 yang sayangkan ko?

*facepalm*
macam psiko dowh.please stop it.

tolong kesian kat diri sendiri sebab takde orang lain yang boleh buat macam tu selain diri ko sendiri.

apa faedah yang ko dapat bila buat macam ni?

aku pun pernah kecewa yang amat sangat..semua orang dalam dunia ni ada masalah masing2.but how u deal with it, how u react to it will reflect yourself the best..

tak perlu nak tulis dalam blog sampai satu dunia perlu tahu kau sakit, kau kecewa segala.

cukuplah mengadu pada Tuhan, or ur mum or keep your own personal diary.

or tulis atas kertas pastu bakar or koyak or buang.

memang aku tak kenal kau.kau tak kenal aku, tapi kita sama sama perempuan.
tak perlulah kot terhegeh-hegeh sampai macam tu sekali.dia dah tak nak layan kau lagi.cant it be clear/obvious enough?..if dia msg ko pun, if dia layan kau macam dulu pon. kau suka ke?dia layan kau sebab kasihan.kau boleh ke terima keadaan macam tu?

seriously, kau takde sakit tapi cari penyakit dan cari pasal.get a life dude.

go hang out with your girlfriends, explore new things, meet new people, try a new recipe.

thats is what i always do during my rainy days.

pergi la karok, shopping, buy what u want, watch movie kat cinema.heyy.

banyak kot benda boleh buat.aku tak paham betol kenapa nak kena sedih2 selalu.

go and get a healthy food, if u really serious nak diet, search the correct methods to do it.go gym, or zumba, joging etc.

yup.memang susah.the memories that u had with him, although both of u takde officially "couple" lah katakan literally, but.please lah.

aku tak boleh tengoklah perempuan lemah lembik macam ni sebab laki.

hidup ko sebelum ni tanpa dia okey je kan?memang la ko tengok dia hari hari kat kelas, ko jadi good listener kat dia selama ni.lepas tu dia tiba tiba hilang..dia pun ada jugak life sendiri, dia pun ada gak orang lain yang dia nak take care of, dia pun nak lepak gak dengan kawan-kawan lain yg luar circle dia selama ni.

hurmm.kan dah panjang aku mengarut kat sini.

so, i guess, there is enough reason why i should continue to make my blog private.